“Cases are declining, R number is lowering, and we can dial down Hosp & Death projections now we got our Lockdown”. 👇🏼
“Hopefully they don’t notice that whilst we’ve been patting ourselves on the back for having over 500K testing capacity, our testing numbers per day have been declining for a couple of weeks.”
“Nah – there all mathematically illiterate. Also, pretty sure they won’t notice our sleight of hand yesterday where we used deaths reported data from the day before and strategically delayed the release of the data.”
“I did like that one – you’re good! Must admit, I’m loving this system. We over report daily vs talking about deaths that actually occurred the day before. We can dial up or down cases by simply changing our testing volume, and these naff positive tests help create mass mis-diagnosis in hospitals and deaths.”
“Boom, as the hip youngsters say!”
“And this Lockdown thing. Genius! We can’t lose. We just dial down the testing, dial down the testing error rate, and… VOILA! Lockdown to the rescue”
“It’s a beautiful thing. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel.”
“Good game, good game. Bravo to us!”
“Oh, and I must congratulate your on your briefing game. Great use of ALAS, no funny business, and taking Hancock out of the limelight as he’s spoiling our cover was well called.”
“Wheeling in a Sir from the NHS to reignite the classic #SaveTheNHS slogan was golden too! Tell him to reign in the jokes though – remember we must be deadly serious.”
“Noted. And we can put Whitty and Vallance back in the box now for a couple of weeks. They need to lay low as we’ve got the lock down we planned for, plus we need to make sure we use their scaremongering pseudo-science authority selectively.”
“Yup. Did you like the technical terms I used like PCR, Lateral Flow and Dexamethasone?”
“Oh yes. They were eating out of your hands!”
“Right. Let media talk about SAGE and ONS stats and opinions for a couple of weeks, whilst we build on out Vaccine Propaganda ahead of launch in a few weeks.”
“What a year. Public health risk is our trojan horse. Make sure to increase our funding to the WHO for their genius…”
An imagined exchange between Bojo and his cronies, that no doubt isn’t too far from the truth.
- DHSC COVID-19 Dashboard data as of 6th Nov 2020.
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